Soliloquy by Chardonnay
by saiyuri-dahlia
Summary: A soliloquy by Kurama concerning his relationship with another character. It is a yaoi pairing but it is up to the reader to figure out who. Hints in soliloquy are provided of course.


Story Title: Soliloquy by Chardonnay

Disclaimer: I don't own YYH.

Author's Notes: Inspiration struck me at 1 a.m and I had work at 9 a.m…the Muses can be so cruel! Anyway, this is a modern twist on Shakespearean-influenced soliloquies (well, I was thinking of Hamlet's "To be or not to be…" when inspiration came, does that count?). This is a yaoi-pairing story but I'm not revealing who. The soliloquy has hints (and I'm betting readers are smart enough to figure it out on their own, but if not…I'm sure someone will tell.) Enjoy.

Story Title: Soliloquy by Chardonnay

Kurama loosened his tie and threw it onto the floor. There it would lay and soon his dress shoes, kicked idly before him, would join his lavender tie. Fumbling in the dark, his hands scoured his desk and found the lamp switch. His bedroom was lit dimly with the soft warm glow from the small desk lamp. Kurama paused and made a long sigh as he set the bottle of Chardonnay, a leftover from his mother's wedding, and a wine glass on his desk. The house was empty, with the notable exception of himself, and would be for quite some time as his mother and his step-father were off on their honeymoon. Congrats and merry tidings to the happy couple.

Kurama slowly slipped off his lavender tuxedo coat and tossed it onto the bed, recently moved to the opposite wall from the window out of a day's boredom. From today, he was exhausted as he crashed his body onto the bed. All day, there were relatives he only met once as a child, relatives he knew only by a story, and then there were his stepfather's relatives. Every one of them had to shake his hand, smack him on the back, or kiss him on the cheek, and over and over, in a most pleasing tone, it was, "Hello, pleased to meet you. I'm Shuuichi Minamino, Shiori's son…" The old cliché of the broken record was made true today and, minute by minute throughout the wedding and the reception, polite Shuuichi was changing into annoyed Shuuichi as the day progressed. He hated repeating himself.

The young man opened the wine bottle and poured the white wine into the glass. Siping the sweet wine, the liquid bitterly slid down his throat. He stared into nothing and rested the wine glass in his interlaced fingers. Outside were the sounds of insects chirping and the wind-blown branches lightly tapping against his window. Inside was the quiet hush of his breath exhaling.

Slowly, he spoke his thoughts aloud in a downcast manner, "It seems so cruel, this irony. As Youko, all I wished at times was peace, a time when I had but one lover or none at all. Yet, as Shuuchi Minamino…I have never loved or another loved me, and all I wish now is a chance to relive, if but for a day, those Youko days where the flesh was sweet and the beds warm."

Moonlight peeked through the long blue curtains. Setting the glass on his desk, Kurama shuffled his feet across his carpet, grabbed the curtains, and flung them wide. The light of the full moon bathed his body with a gentle embrace as his hunched posture, with his arms bracing the windowsill, scorned the tender light.

Clenching his hands and teeth, Kurama sharpened his eyes into a cross glare and peered up at the pale moon. He focused his anger into a smoldering tone, "Tell me, you full shining moon, you twinkling eyes of stars, as you watch me at night writhing in my bed…as the humanly heat of passion upon my skin cries out tears of sweat, does my unrequited desires AMUSE you?"

The young man went back for his glass and took another sip," Another question, knowing my desires, my yearning, do you purposely torture me, not only in my dreams, but in my day to day life?" Kurama paced around the room, lightly gesturing with the wine glass in his hand. "He comes to me…as you send him I am sure, and asks for my help about women, such as, 'She's angry. What should I say to apologize?', 'She looks sad. I don't know if I should give her something or', and my personal favorite line of his, 'Well, you're the romantic one, what would you do?'…"

Kurama paused and mischievously grinned as he chuckled, "Bravo, Lady Night, you are a cruel, cold mistress and, at that, a master of grinding glass into my wounds. Oh yes, yes, SEND him to the jester—he knows EVERYTHING about women!"

Dark clouds skated across the sky and hid the moon from view. "Is that your plan, Madame, as you shroud yourself in veils of umbra in an attempt to conceal yourself? Well I see you WELL enough, Madame!" He slurped down the rest of his glass and walked over to his desk to refill. With the half-full glass raised up to his face in his left hand, Kurama was transfixed by the color of the white wine. With his anger momentarily subsided, the young man tenderly whispered, "I have seen him, in appearance and in manner, as dark as your veils…" his hot breath lightly fogged the glass, "however, I have also seen him with hair like the color of this wine and with marks of royal purple upon his flesh."

"All I can do is watch and remain unrequited." Stepping into the moonlight, he peered up at the heavenly body and implored for answers, "Is that what I am doomed…to live this mortal life in a state of perpetual longing? Oh Lady of the Moon, of Night, of Stars, of the Feminine, is this truly of your design?"

Sighing, he turned and took a seat on the windowsill. An icy touch chilled his hot back pressed against the window and, for a time, was soothing. He took another large sip of wine. "Sometimes I wonder…if it would better me if I removed my eyes. It is because of them I see the truth, the reality of my fate that I and he are merely friends, nothing more, and his girlfriend is his true beloved…and my heart's bane. Oh how I wish not to be reminded daily of this truth!"

Kurama rose. Looking into his reflection in the glass, he painfully stared at his own eyes, "And yet, with these eyes I saw him and discovered the pleasure of his face and body. So to have never had these eyes, I would have never fallen in love. However, if I had never fallen in love, I would not be here in turmoil over my affections, but that matters not, in the end, for this is my life, my reality, and my current state."

The young man grew quiet for some time as he contemplated his future. Kurama was growing into a bitter jealous soul pained by this unrequited love. He saw himself unable to love anyone but him and indignantly in the future he would push away any person's affections that wasn't his heart's desires. At this current rate, Kurama would die a cold lonely man. "NO! NO! NO!" he screamed and fell to his knees," I can't die like this. That cannot be my future!"

Kurama cleared his glass and laid it down, "So this day has come, it should and it must. Healing and repair is what I should center on for now. My love can never be reciprocated, as I know well enough, and it serves me no greater good to wallow in my sadness and destroy my body from the inside. This is reality. My yearning is but a fantasy."

The young man rose and faced the moon," You, Lady Night, your spell upon me is broken as of now. No more am I your jester, your pawn, your servant…my heart and fate is but my own. Send your devils to torment me, tear at my heartstrings, and weave your foul magic and illusions as hard as you wish—I will not pay heed. Tonight, I walk free from my emotional chains and run…run swiftly toward the light of hope and new beginnings."

Kurama slowly stepped toward the window and took the curtains in his hands. Swiftly the curtains are flung closed and he cast himself into darkness.

—end story

Author's notes: I was experimenting with dramatic/emotional dialogue here. I personally think my dialogue always sucks. It's meant to be Kurama doing a play and this one is another one of my "it's more plot-based than in tune with the character" kind of stories. Oh well, I hope you enjoyed.


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